Since I’m having a new cover made for Little Ragdoll, and thus will soon have physical copies, I went back through the document to check for any typos I may have missed during all the previous editing rounds and sweep-throughs. I also wanted to strip out all the unnecessary uses of “even” and other words/phrases I wasn’t aware of overusing.
Thankfully, I only caught a handful of true typos and missed misspellings. Most of the rest were just a matter of weasel words/phrases, taking out cluttery, rehashing, or preachy lines, and removing a lot of passive -ing constructions. None of this is grammatically incorrect, but it’s not as strong and tight as it could’ve been.
I worked on a document converted into Pages, and made a file keeping track of lines and issues that needed corrected on the Word and HTML files on my older computer. With the broken fan on my older computer, I don’t like to spend very long on it. It’s not dangerous, but I don’t like the loud sound that often kicks in. If the price is right and someone has the parts, I’ll have it repaired at a local Mac shop.
1. Overused words and phrases:
Sentences starting with “And”
2. A lot of weak “feel(s)” instead of “is.”
3. Passive -ing constructions! This isn’t grammatically incorrect, but it’s very formal and old-fashioned. When you have a writing style that’s already rather old-fashioned, you need to choose which hills you’re going to die on vs. which ones you can agree to update. There are times when it’s more effective and accurate to say, e.g., “They’re drinking tea” vs. “They go down the fire escape,” but more often than not, it’s not very strong writing. Some of this I attribute not only to all the old books I’ve read, but also to the fact that many languages, like Russian, have slightly different verb forms to indicate if an action is ongoing or one-off.
4. A really weird spacing issue that may have been caused by the file conversion. Several pages seemed to be missing, with a few paragraphs spaced smaller than the rest of the document. It turned out they were there, only rendered invisible by some bizarre spacing setting I never did.
5. Some extra “that”s. I took out almost all of them back in 2011, but there remained some which don’t really need to be there.
General issues I can’t really do anything about at this stage, short of a time-consuming full rewrite:
1. It’s more omniscient than my current usual. Many scenes aren’t in only one person’s POV. It’s more like a distant camera taking turns. Given how the story was inspired by several very old books, it feels right. It’s a story about a family and some of their friends coming of age and going through life, with a special focus on one of them. It was never meant to be limited to one person’s head for the entire story.
2. It’s very telly in spots. I also think this works for the type of story I planned it as. It seems kind of like a 1960s version of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (which I hadn’t read when I wrote the first draft), and that story succeeds brilliantly in spite of having a lot of telly scenes. After all, I intentionally structured it so the language and situations would gradually mature as Adicia gets older. It’s like the evolution through the Little House series. I could do more with her as a teen than I could at five years old. Her character is also deliberately very passive, always acted on instead of acting herself, until she finally has no choice but to act.
I wouldn’t have done many of these things had I written this book today, as opposed to 2010–11, but what’s done is done. I doubt I’d be able to write it so well had I only gone back from scratch and memory now, and would’ve left a lot of important things out. It’s the same reason I doubt I’d be able to write Swan the same way had I done it as an adult, instead of ages 13–21.