WeWriWa—Allen Comforts Adicia

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Welcome back to Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday, weekly Sunday hops where writers share 8 sentences from a book or WIP. Since I’ll be starting my Halloween-themed snippets in just two weeks, I decided to move an older post out of my drafts folder instead of starting the next scene in the WIP I’ve been sharing from. That way, I won’t have to break off the forward momentum for an entire month-plus.

This snippet comes from Little Ragdoll, Chapter 38, “The Sacrifice of Adicia,” set in August 1969. Adicia’s mother, who served a few months in prison for embezzlement in 1962, was recently threatened with more jail time if she failed to pay back the remaining money by the end of August.

Mrs. Troy, true to her black-hearted, anti-maternal nature, coerced Adicia into giving up her virginity for the remaining $3,000. In exchange, Adicia was promised a handsome husband with a good job and the ability to graduate high school instead of being forced to drop out at sixteen. By remaining at home till 18, Adicia will also be able to keep protecting her baby sister Justine.

Big brother Allen has just found out what their evil mother did, and is furious. When he goes to see Adicia at their sister Ernestine’s place, he winds up hugging her for the first time.

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Adicia sits up and puts her arms around her brother, sobbing against his chest.  Allen hugs her back, the first time he’s ever hugged any of his sisters.  He still can’t entirely shake his social conditioning about manly versus unmanly behavior, but he’s hardly acting like a pansy by comforting someone he loves.  He hugs her as tightly as he knows how, to make up for all the years he never did it.  Seeing how she only comes up to the middle of his chest makes him painfully aware of how small she is for her age, how much she still resembles a little ragdoll even at fifteen.  She’s not even five feet tall yet.

“I’m not really sure I believe God exists, but onea the things that makes me think he might exist is that I got the best big brother in the world.  Out of all the families in the world, we were chosen for each other.”

Little Ragdoll Cover

I will be having my cover redesigned, though keeping it based on the same reference picture I worked from, and still using lots of dark blue. I don’t regret the experience of having designed two of my own covers, but I quickly came to understand something more professional will sell more copies.

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17 comments on “WeWriWa—Allen Comforts Adicia

  1. Ed Hoornaert says:

    His conflicting emotions about giving this hug raise the scene out of the ordinary. Nicely done.

    Like

  2. What a nice scene! And what a great big brother she has!

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  3. That’s a very tender, believable scene. And that photo is beyond adorable.

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  4. Jenna Jaxon says:

    He is the best big brother. You let us see him overcome that hard struggle with his early conditioning, making the scene even more touching. Well done.

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  5. Very touching scene between them.

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  6. Karen Michelle Nutt says:

    Very sweet. I like the brother’s inner thoughts and conflict to do what is deemed manly vs just hugging a person he loves.

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  7. Author Jessica E. Subject says:

    Such a tender moment that reveals so much about the characters and society.

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  8. A well written glimpse from the past. Great snippet.

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  9. P.T. Wyant says:

    Touching and tender. I love his feelings about the hug. (And I hope he takes his sisters to live with him, getting them away from their mother.)

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    • Carrie-Anne says:

      Three of his sisters used to live with him (and one sister who ran away from home young lived in his cellar with her friends), though their evil mother broke up their happy home on Christmas Eve 1962, soon after she got out of jail. Mrs. Troy feels like having her children living with her and providing the basic necessities makes her a good mother. By this point in the story, only her three youngest children are left at home, as the others either ran away underage or moved out as soon as possible.

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  10. This is such a sad story, Carrie-Anne. You’ve certainly made me dislike their mother!

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    • Carrie-Anne says:

      Mrs. Troy is one of my favorite villains I’ve ever written. She’s so black-hearted and anti-maternal, but also full of dark comedic moments, like when she talks, in all seriousness, about going to get an emergency refill of cocaine, or matter-of-factly announces she’s been embezzling.

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  11. His internal conflict is wonderful here.

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  12. Diane Burton says:

    Very sad story. Society’s mores conflicting with human emotion. Glad she has such a great big brother.

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  13. Very sweet, tender scene. 😀

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  14. First off, I think I want to slap this so-called mother to Jupiter. Secondly, that last line is both heart wrenching and touching all at once. Lots of emotions and insight in this snippet. Very well done.

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  15. Very poignant scene! And I’m glad you’re sticking with lots of dark blue. That’s always a good idea! 😉

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