Horny Hump Day—Malchen and Pali

My What’s Up Wednesday post is here.

Warning:  Not safe for work or appropriate for those under 18!

Welcome back to Horny Hump Day, a weekly hop where writers share three erotic sentences of a book or WIP. I’m now sharing from a hiatused WIP with the horribly unoriginal working title Malchen and Pali, one of my two unconventional 1950s romances. The existing material hasn’t had much editing yet, mostly only on pieces I’ve shared for Six Sentence Sunday.

Nineteen-year-old Malchen (Amalia) has gone to visit 21-year-old Pali at the house he’s started renting, and after supper, they moved into the living room and started making out. For the moment, Malchen forgets about the danger of Pali discovering the surgical scar on her stomach and abdomen, and lets him round second base.

***

Pali began fumbling with the buttons on her blouse, his fingers shaking. As soon as he’d undone all her buttons, he reached around back to unhook the embarrassingly small Maidenform she barely made a dent in. Pali’s eyes lit up and he smiled an awestruck grin at her at his first sight of her abnormally small breasts, the kind of smile she’d assumed was reserved for more womanly proportions.

***

My basic, very short-form working synopsis:

No one ever thought skirt-chasing playboy Pali would ever settle down for just one woman, let alone that sweet little Malchen would be the one to steal his heart and make him never want another woman again. But Malchen fears this is all too good to be true and that Pali will leave her once he finds out about what was done to her at Janowska. Pali is desperate to have a bunch of little Weisses, and Malchen knows she can’t have children. Will Malchen ever find the courage to tell him her secret, and will Pali stay or go if he learns his love was sterilized?

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7 thoughts on “Horny Hump Day—Malchen and Pali

  1. Not every man wants a Dolly Parton figure. And Pali seems very content with what she does have. He’s rather sweet for a man with such a playboy reputation. Great snippet!

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  2. I like the concept of accepting a woman as she is, although I feel a bit thrown by the POV in this snippet. If we are viewing the scene from Pali’s perspective (as it starts off with him struggling with her bra and buttons), why would he describe viewing her breasts as “abnormally small” if he is excited by them? That’s Malchen’s thought, but it’s getting jumbled in there together with his perspective, causing some confusion for the reader – or at least this reader. You may want to try separating these perspectives out more, instead of “head hopping.” Just some constructive criticism for you. Otherwise, I’d love to know more about this relationship!

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    • I write third-person omniscient, which I know a lot of modern readers aren’t familiar with anymore. The fumbling action is just me as the narrator describing what he’s doing, not being in his perspective so much.

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  3. I really like your short synopsis. And I like that she has a small cup size. I resemble her figure more than the figures of most heroines in romance novels. So it’s nice to read. 🙂

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