Welcome back to Weekend Writing Warriors, where participants share 8 sentences from a book or WIP. This is part of a scene reworking in progress, currently positioned in the fourth book of my Max’s House series (working title The Start of AS), but also going to be included, with more details, in my upcoming radical rewrite and restructuring of Saga I of my magnum opus Cinnimin.
It’s May 1942, and new immigrant Levon has asked to be introduced to Cinnimin, who’s visiting the cousin of Levon’s young sponsor/host Tiffany. At first he was too scared to answer Cinnimin’s question of whether he speaks English, but finally managed to tell her he thinks she’s beautiful and must have an extremely beautiful mind too. This earns giggles from her friends, but not from Cinni.
The first half of Cinni’s response below is an entirely new part of the scene. The majority of the original version had a lot of unrealistically rapid-fire dialogue, which just isn’t how normal people talk.
“Oh, so you do speak English.” Cinnimin glared at Violet and Elaine. “Please excuse my friends. They’re not as mature as I am. Violet in particular has very poor taste in boys.” She smiled at him. “You’re cute. Can I call you Levy?”