My Déjà Vu post, celebrating antique cars, is here.
I was born on the 5th night of Chanukah, and I’m a big fan of the modern, abstract schools of art. I also love photography. Every year since I’ve gotten into photography, I’ve taken lots of pictures of my Chanukah candles—from different angles, with different lighting, with stuff in the background, with wax dripping and melting, candles melting together, flames joining, you name it. I probably have over 100 photographs of my candles over the years! I don’t even clean my chanukiyah anymore, since the multicolored wax that’s melted together is like a work of beautiful abstract art.
This is one of my favorite stories taking place during the holidays. It’s late 1943, and Elaine Seward has been secretly having an affair with her bitchy maid Marianne’s much-younger fiancé Roger Wilkes, who’s just using Marianne to get close to the Seward wealth. He and Elaine initially only are interested in one another for sex, but gradually start falling in love. If Marianne should ever find out her teenage fiancé is involved with Elaine, things won’t end well for anyone.
Elaine slid her hands onto his back. “I think you need to put me on your naughty list, Santa. I’ve done bad things lately, like getting sexually involved with my maid’s fiancé.”
“Elaine, are you insane! What if Marianne comes by! She knows I’m here already!”
“I’m going to be your elf assistant, Marathon Man,” she growled in a deep sexy voice. “And now you can take a break and excuse yourself to talk to me about how I can remedy my position of being on the naughty list.”
“Where did Santa go?” a little boy whined.
A huge line had formed by the North Pole scene by the time one of the elves came over to see what the hell was going on.
“Santa disappeared with some girl!” the little boy announced crossly. “That girl was too old to sit on Santa’s lap!”
The elf looked into the room where the North Pole props were kept and to his utmost horror saw clothes and the Santa suit strewn everywhere. Roger and Elaine were having sex in a sleigh.
“You are fired, Wilkes!”
“I’m in the middle of screwing Marathon Man, midget! How dare you interrupt us!”
“You’re jealous because a midget just can’t get any,” Roger chimed in.
“As soon as you’ve finished up, turn in your Santa suit and collect the pathetic two dollars you’ve earned during all of the five hours you’ve been working here.”
Roger later gets his Santa job back by lying to the manager that the elf made up this story because he was jealous of him for his height and good looks. Not only that, but Elaine gets a job as his assistant. The elf is not very happy, particularly since the manager and all his co-workers now think he’s crazy!