I began journalling in 1987 and began regularly journaling on 8 September 1989, the first day of fourth grade. I continued pretty much continuously till early March of 2009, and journalled every single day for much of that time. I’m rather embarrassed I fell off the wagon, but I’m trying to get back into the habit now, with the journal I’d only recently started when I abruptly stopped.
Starting with my second journal, I named my journals. From the third one on, they were all named for classic rock songs (e.g., Zelda, Emily, Cecilia, Prudence, Rael, Athena, Eloise). I think I’ll name the current ignored journal Suzanne, after The Hollies’ song “Sorry Suzanne” (1969). I already had a journal named Eloise, after The Hollies’ song “Dear Eloise” (1967), and I like to use two names from each group I pick a namesake song from. Anyway.
My journals are in storage with most of the rest of my stuff in my so-called fiancé’s parents’ basement, and unfortunately, I could only find the ones from my twenties and my very first journal, which went from September 1989-February 1993. I wasn’t up to going through all my crates to find my midway journals, so I have Helena (second journal) and Cecilia (number three) to pick from.
I picked a classic entry from Cecilia, 23 June 1994, describing my junior high graduation the night before. I later somewhat based a few graduations in some of my books on certain of the events at this ceremony. “Mortimor,” later shorted to “Timmy” and “Tim,” was a boy I had a huge puppy love crush on for years. Now I thank God I didn’t end up with him, because his looks REALLY deteriorated after junior high!
June 23, 1994, 20., Thursday,
….Graduation was a total rip-off. The first speaker was a nut. Mortimor kept gettin’ angrier and angrier at him! The speaker was bringin’ up violence and the O.J. Simpson case at a graduation! And then he was all like: “The person next to you might not be there in a few years, because they’ll be lazy and uneducated.” Mortimor was furious. He was yellin’: “What the f— is this? What the hell is this s—? How dare he tell us about our families and call us lazy? What is this, a pep talk? This guy’s a nut!” He kept makin’ me laugh durin’ that nutty speaker. Scary part is that he’s a judge!
….This one girl won 5 awards. Mortimor and his pal were amazed. Mortimor was goin’ like: “How smart can this girl get? Her walls’ll be covered with all that s—!” Then some guy won 2 awards. Mortimor went like: “His pants are mad tight! Lookit that fag tag on his pants!”
Then they finally let the homerooms start goin’ up. Mortimor kept glancin’ at his watch and shoutin’: “This’ll take all evening!” Mortimor’s pal was laughin’ at the kids who kept messin’ up. He said: “It’s shake with the right, take with the left!” Then he pretended ta be onea the kids and twisted his arms around. They were both shocked when more’n 8 kids in a row finally got it right. When we went up, Mortimor’s pal went over the correct way. Then he said, when we went back: “I think I messed up.” Mortimor gloated: “I got it right!”
His pal was ticked off when we unrolled the papers. He yelled: “What’s this? Some damn note! The real diplomas come in July! This was a total rip-off!” Really, it was! And the last time [so I thought] that I’ll see Mortimor for quite awhile was as I was leavin’ the gym, after that rip-off ceremony. I turned around and saw him. I hope that I’ll see him around a few times this year. Well, when I see him again, we can laugh our heads off about that nutty first speaker. I know that I’ll really miss seein’ him.
….Mortimor ain’t like my 5th grade crush, whom I quickly recovered from. I know so much more about Mortimor’s life. I hope that he’s happy ta be a person in you and Helena. He actually stood up for me a few times in his own way. He’s a nice guy whom the world should know about. Really, I woulda been dyin’ during the speeches and awards had it not been for Mortimor and his pal sittin’ next to me. I just know that he’ll become a success!
And [my father] was tellin’ some guys at his work about the nut speaker, and it turns out that the judge was ranked near the bottom of a recent survey of best judges, plus he’s not known for racial or gender sensitivity! Not too popular at all!